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The Perils Of Being A People Pleaser

. 1.31.2020 .
Hey guys, happy new year! This is coming super late considering I'm typing this on the 30th of January. Actually, it's 11 PM so it's safe to say it's the last day of the month. But as they say, better late than never right? I don't have any lofty resolutions or goals for this year. I simply want to do well in school and enjoy my life. That second part is very key lol.

This post has been in the works for quite a while. First, I told myself that I would write it after I was done with exams. I finished them then I told myself I would write it once I got to England. I got to England on Friday and declared I would write it on Monday morning. But Sunday happened and it threw me off balance. In case you missed it (which I highly doubt), Kobe Bryant's helicopter crashed on Sunday and everyone on board passed away. It's an awful tragedy and it's rocked everyone so deeply, sometimes I think about it and I'm still in disbelief. My heart truly goes out to everyone affected by this tragedy in one way or another. So I practically spent Monday in bed doing nothing, just trying to process the news. There was no way I could write anything on such a day. Which brings us here, to this moment. I was literally washing pots in the kitchen when I got the desire to get my laptop and type so type I will.

Looking back at my life, I've always been a 'good' child. The child that parents loved, I rarely gave my parents a hard time (at least I would like to think that haha) and almost always got straight A's in school. I don't say all these things in a braggy way, what's there to brag about? I'm just trying to paint a picture. So yeah, you could say I've always been that person that was in everyone's good books for the most part. It sounds good on paper and it probably is for the most part but it's also been detrimental to me a little. I've always avoided conflict like the plague. I don't like to fight or argue with people. I always want to be on good terms with everyone. But the thing is, that's not possible.  Lord knows I tried my best, especially in my teen years. I didn't realize at the time but I look back at that time now and I'm like wow, you were such a people pleaser Demss.
 I actually wrote a post about it in 2017 which you can read here. That post was after an epiphany I had about the whole thing and so, I honestly thought everything was behind me. And for the most part, it was. But then uni happened. And I found myself being sucked into those old habits and eagerness to please. Avoiding conflict, not always saying what's on my mind, not being able to say no or cushioning my no in a thousand explanations and niceties. There were a couple of times I caught myself and snapped out of it but generally, I look back at certain situations from my first semester and I just want to slap myself for handling it how I did. Old habits die hard I suppose. Towards the end of the semester, I decided to really sit down and ask myself why and that's when it clicked that I've just always been that child that was in everyone's good books and I guess it made me unable to stomach the idea of someone not liking me. This led me to hold my tongue and not speak out in certain situations out of fear that said person would feel some type of way about me. I did that even in situations that I was clearly in the right. I ask myself now if I was under a spell because I really don't understand???

So where am I now? Honestly, just unlearning everything and trying to be a bit more assertive. At the same time, I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never really be a confrontational person, it's just not in me. Well, unless it's totally necessary I guess. This isn't to say I've never had a shouting match with anyone because I definitely have but generally, it's not my style. I always felt some type of way about that, not being 'savage' as people say. But, the other day I saw a short thread that described me so perfectly.


I feel like this is so perfect.  I don't want to be savage or fight you, I literally just want to be going lmao. I suppose it goes without saying that there are instances one needs to fight and everything, you catch my drift yeah?

  Okay guys, so that's it really. A part of me is cringing so hard at this post because it's sort of vulnerable but who knows maybe someone reading this will be able to relate and it might just make them feel better.  Until the next one. xx
Hey guys, happy new year! This is coming super late considering I'm typing this on the 30th of January. Actually, it's 11 PM so it's safe to say it's the last day of the month. But as they say, better late than never right? I don't have any lofty resolutions or goals for this year. I simply want to do well in school and enjoy my life. That second part is very key lol.

This post has been in the works for quite a while. First, I told myself that I would write it after I was done with exams. I finished them then I told myself I would write it once I got to England. I got to England on Friday and declared I would write it on Monday morning. But Sunday happened and it threw me off balance. In case you missed it (which I highly doubt), Kobe Bryant's helicopter crashed on Sunday and everyone on board passed away. It's an awful tragedy and it's rocked everyone so deeply, sometimes I think about it and I'm still in disbelief. My heart truly goes out to everyone affected by this tragedy in one way or another. So I practically spent Monday in bed doing nothing, just trying to process the news. There was no way I could write anything on such a day. Which brings us here, to this moment. I was literally washing pots in the kitchen when I got the desire to get my laptop and type so type I will.

Looking back at my life, I've always been a 'good' child. The child that parents loved, I rarely gave my parents a hard time (at least I would like to think that haha) and almost always got straight A's in school. I don't say all these things in a braggy way, what's there to brag about? I'm just trying to paint a picture. So yeah, you could say I've always been that person that was in everyone's good books for the most part. It sounds good on paper and it probably is for the most part but it's also been detrimental to me a little. I've always avoided conflict like the plague. I don't like to fight or argue with people. I always want to be on good terms with everyone. But the thing is, that's not possible.  Lord knows I tried my best, especially in my teen years. I didn't realize at the time but I look back at that time now and I'm like wow, you were such a people pleaser Demss.
 I actually wrote a post about it in 2017 which you can read here. That post was after an epiphany I had about the whole thing and so, I honestly thought everything was behind me. And for the most part, it was. But then uni happened. And I found myself being sucked into those old habits and eagerness to please. Avoiding conflict, not always saying what's on my mind, not being able to say no or cushioning my no in a thousand explanations and niceties. There were a couple of times I caught myself and snapped out of it but generally, I look back at certain situations from my first semester and I just want to slap myself for handling it how I did. Old habits die hard I suppose. Towards the end of the semester, I decided to really sit down and ask myself why and that's when it clicked that I've just always been that child that was in everyone's good books and I guess it made me unable to stomach the idea of someone not liking me. This led me to hold my tongue and not speak out in certain situations out of fear that said person would feel some type of way about me. I did that even in situations that I was clearly in the right. I ask myself now if I was under a spell because I really don't understand???

So where am I now? Honestly, just unlearning everything and trying to be a bit more assertive. At the same time, I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never really be a confrontational person, it's just not in me. Well, unless it's totally necessary I guess. This isn't to say I've never had a shouting match with anyone because I definitely have but generally, it's not my style. I always felt some type of way about that, not being 'savage' as people say. But, the other day I saw a short thread that described me so perfectly.


I feel like this is so perfect.  I don't want to be savage or fight you, I literally just want to be going lmao. I suppose it goes without saying that there are instances one needs to fight and everything, you catch my drift yeah?

  Okay guys, so that's it really. A part of me is cringing so hard at this post because it's sort of vulnerable but who knows maybe someone reading this will be able to relate and it might just make them feel better.  Until the next one. xx

2 comments

  1. This is beautiful. Posts that show Vulnerability are my faves. I think I'm a bit like you, too. I don't like confrontations.

    Hope your exams were great. Just checking to say hi! ๐Ÿ’›

    amakamedia.com

    ReplyDelete

I read and appreciate every single comment. I'll definitely check out your blog. ❤

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